January 12, 2012, Pacific Daylight Time
My
life this week is really tiring and there's nothing I can do but to
continue waking up early (though sometimes, I really woke up with
king sun already up above me), going to school, make nerve-wracking
projects, study harder, smile enough, cry more, think beyond, do
double time, plan much, remind everyone twice. Well, it's all I can
do to at least lessen my worry.
I'm
really always like this this week or this month. I don't know why but
all I know is that I'm pressured by this and by that, that I am new
to this, I am a first timer, I don't know what to do and it seems
that I am all alone, no one is with me. I have a group to ask help to
but it seems that they do not care. I have people leading the same as
I do but they are nowhere to be found. I want to give up but I think
this is the time that I must stand up 'till the end, that I must be
myself, that I should learn to do this on my own. I want to cry,
really but what for? I think crying is a way to show your weakness
and I don't want to admit to myself that I am weak and all. I know, I
could be strong, I know I can think more than they think I can, I
know I can do something no one else already have. Everyone is unique
and I am unique. Everyone thinks I am that low but I know I'm not. I
am more than they hope I would. I will let no one stepped into me.
Sometimes,
people are really judgmental but they are unlucky because I have
chances in my hand all the time and no matter what happen I'll make
sure that I will be the one who will smile at the end. Well, anyway,
I am not that cruel, I want everyone to smile at the end. Everyone
who are deserving to smile.
“Fight
till the last gasp.” (William
Shakespeare)
January 17, 2012, Pacific Daylight Time
Okay. I am here again and I want to share all the bad things I had yesterday.
I was really disappointed. I really took a great sacrifice. I exerted effort and time, but what I have gained? I am here. Like a crumpled paper, I was scolded, insulted and worse, hurt. Yeah, call me weak, call me silly, call me stupid, call me oversensitive, overreacting, anything but I really felt bad about what happened. I want to cry. I want to shout. I want to brush pain away but i know in my heart, me, myself, is in doubt if the pain will really be brushed away.
The people I thought were my friend are already there, discouraging me. Some of them maybe betrayed me already and even already stabbed my back.
I hate them until now.
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