Irreplaceable

Home Archive for August 2012

I’ve been anxious these days because my classmate had lost something that really matters to me: my pink fan. You know, it’s like our room is at times really warm because even though there are electric fans or air conditioners, many people are in the room that’s why the coolness cannot accommodate our number. Hence, it’s so hot! And it makes me uncomfortable and it reminds me of that little property of mine. It’s not that I am so overly sentimental but that little thing worth more than thirty pesos and the worse, I even sacrifice my afternoon snack just to buy that one. Aside from that, the content of my bag looks awkward without it. I really still can imagine its fuchsia pink color and the sound it produce when I flip it. Grr.

Perhaps, I’m too overreacting about that material and then what? So be it. You know, I am a kind of person who really value even the teeny-tiniest thing I owned. You cannot just earn money by walking along the road; it’s from the sweat and blood of our dear parents and of ours too. For me, every peso counts. I even confront the person who borrowed it (over lang) but he just gave me reasons I forecast as lies. Wadahell. It’s really tormenting when you value a thing so much and others treated it just like a scrap. Sometimes, when I am in a situation like this, when I lost a property which is supposed to be mine and it was lost because I intend to give consideration to other people who wants it too, all I can do is to cry, forgive and sometimes, forget. In life, sacrifice is sometimes the only solution, thoug anyone cannot deny the fact that on the opposite side, it really hurts as hell. Nevertheless, you should let go, we should let go and yes, I should let go. Concrete wise, we could be so angry, devastated and sometimes, go mad. It would took weeks, months or years or God-knows-how-long to move on but that is the part of it.

I’ve been through a lot of sacrifices and it was never been easy. I once sacrificed for my family, for a friend and for a significant other who was in need. Sometimes the thing you’re sacrificing is something that you need also. Perhaps, you’re sacrificing a part of your future, your life, your happiness or your love. And you may agree or not, to sacrifice is to let go. It’s like opening your hands to let the butterfly go and at times, that butterfly could be opportunity, chance, happiness, relationship or a person you learned to love and value. At times, it could be a treasure gained once in a lifetime.

I can’t give a concrete advice for this but the only thing that I could say is that life is short and we just have to live it to the fullest. The purpose is simply to live lief the way it should be lived. We don’t have to deal with things or people who left us but instead, to those who stay with us at the end of the race. After all, if one intend to stay, no matter what he should stay. Sabi nga, Wala’y mabyaan kung wala’y magpabiya, wala’y mubiya kung dili gusto mubiya. Whether the statement satisfies you or not, it only teaches us one thing: the situation is in our hands and the result depends greatly on the decision we make because one thing is sure, we are the own drivers of our own lives. And in this situation of mine, I chose to let go. Relate-relate lang yan. :D

Before saying Sayonara, I just want to borrow a statement from one of my favorite bloggers, Ms. Repudiate Sarcasm. And here it is:

Ano ba ang ginagawa sa mga bagay na nawawala?

Hinahanap.

Eh, ano naman ang ginagawa sa mga bagay na hindi mo na talaga mahanap?

Pinapalitan.

As the same, I gonna let that pink fan of mine go and be a good use to its new owner. I, on the other hand, will buy a new one. Daghan man barato sa Cogon or sa Plaza Divisoria na night cafe. So, yeko ar. Heehe.

Be wise, be practical, be you. Ajah!

It was 30 minutes to seven in the evening yesterday when I started to scroll the content of the inbox of my phone and read a number of messages. I was about to close the last message when I decided to give it a second read and here it goes:

There was a time that I wish i could change the past,

but unfortunately, the past changed me a lot.

Hoookay, past again. *Irene winking here. :D* Don’t worry, this won’t be another sad looking back love story.

I was thinking on what should I write just to arouse your interest in reading this one. However, I can’t think of something jolly. So, I decided to just give you tidbits of my.. well, just a few of my craziness back then.

In line with the topic which is about the past or simply, the things that our yesterday has brought us, I just want to dig a little few of a story I considered to be “not private” at all, if you tried to read previous posts of mine. If you haven’t, then try to do it... later. :D For now, just keep your attention to this post.

A very classical maxim once delivered us this thought, First love never dies. Ow-hoo, don’t tell me you haven’t heard of that coz I, myself, spent my entire life with super inlove people around me and recite that to me million times already, even if I didn’t mind to believe that. I just even laugh at it and shake my head for its OA-ness. Nevertheless, that was before.

Anyways, if I may be asked if that quote above grabbed my approval too, you will not accept any answers from me. I don’t want to give my nod or have another head shake because it would sound stereotyping. I will just give my few madness when I was not still over it (or was I?). But before that, I have rules to set. Don’t laugh. Don’t tease me if we’ll meet in the pathway. Giggles and smiles are allowed. Just do it but then, at the end, you may realize that you’ve done it before too and perhaps, until now. And don’t tell me you haven’t been warned.

I’m shy. LOL. Here:

1. I wrote down all of his text messages. Well, some of his messages are still on my Inbox 2. Gonna erase those later, after posting this blog.

2. I never failed to visit his Friendster (before) and Facebook account. However, I already stopped doing it. It’s so embarassing to my own self. Besides, it gave me heartaches and painful pictures in mind. Row. :D

3. I saved a picture of him on my phone. I planned to print it but my memory card went crazy and all files have been deleted. Tsk.

4. I tracked his family tree. Oh yes, this was crazy. I even added his sisters and his mommy on FB and also, his Dada. Shets, Councilor teh. Hadlok. Pa-search-search lang. Advantage of social media (Thesis lang? Haaha).

5. I wrote poems for him. Oh yes, all of my literary pieces on reflections are for him. Nyahaa. From essays, poems, short stories to personal gratitude. So mad, haaha. Grab another copy of Reflections this December. You might catch my last dedications there. :D (Last najud kay last na year naman nako. Huuhu. :c)

6. I lost my honor rank because of him. This was my most mushy madness. So regretful. I really hate myself for this. It was my third year high school and I was in the seventh rank back then. After another grading, I’d been thrown out from the Top 10. Sheeeee... I really cried and cried and cried. Perchance, it was because I was addicted to texting too and also, pocket books. :ccc

7. I enrolled myself in MUST. This is not actually a total madness and this reason is just partly because I believe that i am born for MUST. It’s just that he became an inspiration. Four years ago, I should have enrolled myself in XU but my feet brought me in MUST Sinking building where TCM office was located at that time. Wow, may sariling pag-iisip si feet (ows? haaha). :D

8. I slapped my seatmate’s shoulder every time I see him. Oh, haaha. The first victim was Samie, my old friend. That number of slaps was terrible and her shoulder got red marks on it. Irene, bad. :D

9. I snobbed him all the time. Oh, so ironic. At that point, I scolded myself because everytime I can’t see him, I’m desperately looking for him but when he’s already there, I won’t smile or even give a look at him. Maghulat na tawgon. OA lang ko? Papansin? PBB Teens? :D Nyehhhhh.

10. I love blogging about him. Owh, heehe. This is obvious. It’s like I’m hoping before that after some time, he would be able to reach and read this blog and luckily (and at the same time, unluckily-so ulaw), he already did. Haaha, well.. naulaw ko, ‘stilan. Pina-thank you lang teh. :D Well, hmm.. besides, it’s like it will lessen the agony if you could share your worst nightmare to others. It will expand your happiness if you will open it to other people (Parang, open-happiness lang with Coca-cola. Hehe). It’s like all things including your best dream will soon happen in the future, thus, opening hope to others. (Irene! Stop! Mura naka gahimo ug article! :D) Bitaw, what I mean is that blogging is a way of expressing yourself to others. It’s about sharing a part of you as person. Hence, for me, it requires a very critical decision-making because of course one of the things that I’m risking is privacy. As you see, I’m still telling you I’m private. Though, a part of me is in this blog but I tell you, I’ve been very careful and trust me with that. :D

Now, let’s go back to the topic. Hmm.. I’ve been a mile opposite of it already. Heehe, pasaylua. Above are the few of many superb mushy madness of mine and hey, it’s really embarassing when I imagine myself in that scenario back then. Haaha. However, I’m not saying that I regret that I’ve done it because I know it will cause me to smile in the future. Let other peple poke me with a stick, tease me to death and laugh at me so hard, believe me, crazy memories we had are just the best.

I don’t know where destiny would send me. For now, I’m trusting The Above to heal the wounds I have and unerase the scars because I know no matter how my memory got so weak, the scars will lead me back to this memory and it will remind me that once of this life of mine, I’ve been broken but I’ve learned to be a whole of me again.

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