It was 30 minutes
to seven in the evening yesterday when I started to scroll the content of the
inbox of my phone and read a number of messages. I was about to close the last
message when I decided to give it a second read and here it goes:
There
was a time that I wish i could change the past,
but
unfortunately, the past changed me a lot.
Hoookay, past again. *Irene winking here. :D* Don’t worry, this
won’t be another sad looking back love story.
I was thinking on what should I write just to arouse your interest
in reading this one. However, I can’t think of something jolly. So, I decided
to just give you tidbits of my.. well, just a few of my craziness back then.
In line with the topic which is about the past or simply, the
things that our yesterday has brought us, I just want to dig a little few of a
story I considered to be “not private” at all, if you tried to read previous
posts of mine. If you haven’t, then try to do it... later. :D For now, just
keep your attention to this post.
A very classical maxim once delivered us this thought, First love
never dies. Ow-hoo, don’t tell me you haven’t heard of that coz I, myself,
spent my entire life with super inlove people around me and recite that to me
million times already, even if I didn’t mind to believe that. I just even laugh
at it and shake my head for its OA-ness. Nevertheless, that was before.
Anyways, if I may be asked if that quote above grabbed my approval
too, you will not accept any answers from me. I don’t want to give my nod or
have another head shake because it would sound stereotyping. I will just give
my few madness when I was not still over it (or was I?). But before that, I
have rules to set. Don’t laugh. Don’t tease me if we’ll meet in the pathway.
Giggles and smiles are allowed. Just do it but then, at the end, you may
realize that you’ve done it before too and perhaps, until now. And don’t tell
me you haven’t been warned.
I’m shy. LOL. Here:
1. I wrote down all of his text messages. Well, some of his
messages are still on my Inbox 2. Gonna erase those later, after posting this
blog.
2. I never failed to visit his Friendster (before) and Facebook
account. However, I already stopped doing it. It’s so embarassing to my own
self. Besides, it gave me heartaches and painful pictures in mind. Row. :D
3. I saved a picture of him on my phone. I planned to print it but
my memory card went crazy and all files have been deleted. Tsk.
4. I tracked his family tree. Oh yes, this was crazy. I even added
his sisters and his mommy on FB and also, his Dada. Shets, Councilor teh.
Hadlok. Pa-search-search lang. Advantage of social media (Thesis lang? Haaha).
5. I wrote poems for him. Oh yes, all of my literary pieces on
reflections are for him. Nyahaa. From essays, poems, short stories to personal
gratitude. So mad, haaha. Grab another copy of Reflections this December. You
might catch my last dedications there. :D (Last najud kay last na year naman
nako. Huuhu. :c)
6. I lost my honor rank because of him. This was my most mushy
madness. So regretful. I really hate myself for this. It was my third year high
school and I was in the seventh rank back then. After another grading, I’d been
thrown out from the Top 10. Sheeeee... I really cried and cried and cried.
Perchance, it was because I was addicted to texting too and also, pocket books.
:ccc
7. I enrolled myself in MUST. This is not actually a total madness
and this reason is just partly because I believe that i am born for MUST. It’s
just that he became an inspiration. Four years ago, I should have enrolled
myself in XU but my feet brought me in MUST Sinking building where TCM office
was located at that time. Wow, may sariling pag-iisip si feet (ows? haaha). :D
8. I slapped my seatmate’s shoulder every time I see him. Oh,
haaha. The first victim was Samie, my old friend. That number of slaps was
terrible and her shoulder got red marks on it. Irene, bad. :D
9. I snobbed him all the time. Oh, so ironic. At that point, I
scolded myself because everytime I can’t see him, I’m desperately looking for
him but when he’s already there, I won’t smile or even give a look at him.
Maghulat na tawgon. OA lang ko? Papansin? PBB Teens? :D Nyehhhhh.
10. I love blogging about him. Owh, heehe. This is obvious. It’s
like I’m hoping before that after some time, he would be able to reach and read
this blog and luckily (and at the same time, unluckily-so ulaw), he already
did. Haaha, well.. naulaw ko, ‘stilan. Pina-thank you lang teh. :D Well, hmm..
besides, it’s like it will lessen the agony if you could share your worst
nightmare to others. It will expand your happiness if you will open it to other
people (Parang, open-happiness lang with Coca-cola. Hehe). It’s like all things
including your best dream will soon happen in the future, thus, opening hope to
others. (Irene! Stop! Mura naka gahimo ug article! :D) Bitaw, what I mean is
that blogging is a way of expressing yourself to others. It’s about sharing a
part of you as person. Hence, for me, it requires a very critical
decision-making because of course one of the things that I’m risking is
privacy. As you see, I’m still telling you I’m private. Though, a part of me is
in this blog but I tell you, I’ve been very careful and trust me with that. :D
Now, let’s go back to the topic. Hmm.. I’ve been a mile opposite of
it already. Heehe, pasaylua. Above are the few of many superb mushy madness of
mine and hey, it’s really embarassing when I imagine myself in that scenario
back then. Haaha. However, I’m not saying that I regret that I’ve done it
because I know it will cause me to smile in the future. Let other peple poke me
with a stick, tease me to death and laugh at me so hard, believe me, crazy
memories we had are just the best.
I don’t know where destiny would send me. For now, I’m trusting The
Above to heal the wounds I have and unerase the scars because I know no matter
how my memory got so weak, the scars will lead me back to this memory and it
will remind me that once of this life of mine, I’ve been broken but I’ve
learned to be a whole of me again.
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