Expecting something to happen is kinda frustrating. I just realized it, you know. I’m so afraid because I experienced on expecting things to happen for several times already and at the end, I was doomed. It turn out to be a failure. The first one is about my scholarship. Actually, it’s a full scholarship given to Presidents of school organizations. At first, I was so much pleased about the thought which is free of all fees and obligations in the school. However, when all were approved and signatures are already there, the assessment office neglected my paper because my course, according to them, is a special course and it is against the policy. On my part, it feels like all of disappointments in the world are being thrown in my very face. I was hurt. It was just good because my mom had not known about it yet. For now, I’m enjoying this scholarship of mine. It was just 50% though, but it is a great help knowing that our tuition fee is increasing each year. Another is this CUM LAUDE thing. Actually, being a cum laude could be a great advantage to one’s future career. In our school, in order to be one, a student should have a 1.75 Grade Point Average (GPA) and have a lowest grade of 3.0. The grading scale here in our school is 1.0 (95%) as the highest and 3.0 (75%) as the lowest passing grade and 5.0 as the overall failing grade. Once a student will have 3.1 below, it would be estimated down to 5.0.
Just last Saturday noon, I went to our program chairman’s office to get evaluated and our coordinator told me something. He said something about my grades being good. However, according to him this 2.7 grade of mine would be a problem. I actually had this grade during my second year in college and it is all because I didn’t buy myself a book in Logic and Ethics. The policy of our school is changing because the new lowest grade of a cum laude would be 2.5 and I have this all alone 2.7. You know what? It’s so frustrating because I only have one 2.5 below and it’s just that 2.7. In just one subject, I will be losing that something I am wishing for so long. I am also getting angry with myself. You know why? It’s because I promised myself on not to expect that cum laude thing because my grades are not really so high as my instructor said it was. Aside from that, I got busy with our publication stuff and all and I gave just a satisfactory effort in my academics. I didn’t gave my full effort. Though they think it’s just my REASON but being in a school organization which you love very much takes sacrifices and that sacrifice was the other 50% effort that I was supposed to give to my studies. You know, I balanced my time, 50% academics and 50% on our organization. I could have been better if I focused on my academics but our organization improved me personally and I just can’t take it away in my life just that.
I don’t know what to feel and what to think about that cum laude thing right now. I should not expect on it, should I? You know what, in all of these things that happened to me, I learned a very important lesson. Expecting is one of many ways to hurt yourself because disappointment always comes next. So, never expect things to happen when it’s bound to be so uncertain. It’s better to feel surprised than to feel disappointed. At the end, it will just me who’ll get hurt or who knows, I will be the one who will get happy also, if chance would be given. However, for now, I should stop expecting. Uh-ooooh, le self, will you?
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