My Mushy Madness

It was 30 minutes to seven in the evening yesterday when I started to scroll the content of the inbox of my phone and read a number of messages. I was about to close the last message when I decided to give it a second read and here it goes:

There was a time that I wish i could change the past,

but unfortunately, the past changed me a lot.

Hoookay, past again. *Irene winking here. :D* Don’t worry, this won’t be another sad looking back love story.

I was thinking on what should I write just to arouse your interest in reading this one. However, I can’t think of something jolly. So, I decided to just give you tidbits of my.. well, just a few of my craziness back then.

In line with the topic which is about the past or simply, the things that our yesterday has brought us, I just want to dig a little few of a story I considered to be “not private” at all, if you tried to read previous posts of mine. If you haven’t, then try to do it... later. :D For now, just keep your attention to this post.

A very classical maxim once delivered us this thought, First love never dies. Ow-hoo, don’t tell me you haven’t heard of that coz I, myself, spent my entire life with super inlove people around me and recite that to me million times already, even if I didn’t mind to believe that. I just even laugh at it and shake my head for its OA-ness. Nevertheless, that was before.

Anyways, if I may be asked if that quote above grabbed my approval too, you will not accept any answers from me. I don’t want to give my nod or have another head shake because it would sound stereotyping. I will just give my few madness when I was not still over it (or was I?). But before that, I have rules to set. Don’t laugh. Don’t tease me if we’ll meet in the pathway. Giggles and smiles are allowed. Just do it but then, at the end, you may realize that you’ve done it before too and perhaps, until now. And don’t tell me you haven’t been warned.

I’m shy. LOL. Here:

1. I wrote down all of his text messages. Well, some of his messages are still on my Inbox 2. Gonna erase those later, after posting this blog.

2. I never failed to visit his Friendster (before) and Facebook account. However, I already stopped doing it. It’s so embarassing to my own self. Besides, it gave me heartaches and painful pictures in mind. Row. :D

3. I saved a picture of him on my phone. I planned to print it but my memory card went crazy and all files have been deleted. Tsk.

4. I tracked his family tree. Oh yes, this was crazy. I even added his sisters and his mommy on FB and also, his Dada. Shets, Councilor teh. Hadlok. Pa-search-search lang. Advantage of social media (Thesis lang? Haaha).

5. I wrote poems for him. Oh yes, all of my literary pieces on reflections are for him. Nyahaa. From essays, poems, short stories to personal gratitude. So mad, haaha. Grab another copy of Reflections this December. You might catch my last dedications there. :D (Last najud kay last na year naman nako. Huuhu. :c)

6. I lost my honor rank because of him. This was my most mushy madness. So regretful. I really hate myself for this. It was my third year high school and I was in the seventh rank back then. After another grading, I’d been thrown out from the Top 10. Sheeeee... I really cried and cried and cried. Perchance, it was because I was addicted to texting too and also, pocket books. :ccc

7. I enrolled myself in MUST. This is not actually a total madness and this reason is just partly because I believe that i am born for MUST. It’s just that he became an inspiration. Four years ago, I should have enrolled myself in XU but my feet brought me in MUST Sinking building where TCM office was located at that time. Wow, may sariling pag-iisip si feet (ows? haaha). :D

8. I slapped my seatmate’s shoulder every time I see him. Oh, haaha. The first victim was Samie, my old friend. That number of slaps was terrible and her shoulder got red marks on it. Irene, bad. :D

9. I snobbed him all the time. Oh, so ironic. At that point, I scolded myself because everytime I can’t see him, I’m desperately looking for him but when he’s already there, I won’t smile or even give a look at him. Maghulat na tawgon. OA lang ko? Papansin? PBB Teens? :D Nyehhhhh.

10. I love blogging about him. Owh, heehe. This is obvious. It’s like I’m hoping before that after some time, he would be able to reach and read this blog and luckily (and at the same time, unluckily-so ulaw), he already did. Haaha, well.. naulaw ko, ‘stilan. Pina-thank you lang teh. :D Well, hmm.. besides, it’s like it will lessen the agony if you could share your worst nightmare to others. It will expand your happiness if you will open it to other people (Parang, open-happiness lang with Coca-cola. Hehe). It’s like all things including your best dream will soon happen in the future, thus, opening hope to others. (Irene! Stop! Mura naka gahimo ug article! :D) Bitaw, what I mean is that blogging is a way of expressing yourself to others. It’s about sharing a part of you as person. Hence, for me, it requires a very critical decision-making because of course one of the things that I’m risking is privacy. As you see, I’m still telling you I’m private. Though, a part of me is in this blog but I tell you, I’ve been very careful and trust me with that. :D

Now, let’s go back to the topic. Hmm.. I’ve been a mile opposite of it already. Heehe, pasaylua. Above are the few of many superb mushy madness of mine and hey, it’s really embarassing when I imagine myself in that scenario back then. Haaha. However, I’m not saying that I regret that I’ve done it because I know it will cause me to smile in the future. Let other peple poke me with a stick, tease me to death and laugh at me so hard, believe me, crazy memories we had are just the best.

I don’t know where destiny would send me. For now, I’m trusting The Above to heal the wounds I have and unerase the scars because I know no matter how my memory got so weak, the scars will lead me back to this memory and it will remind me that once of this life of mine, I’ve been broken but I’ve learned to be a whole of me again.